The Birds, The Bees and...Birth Control

When is it ok to have "the talk" with your kids?

First of all, call it what it is: sex. We need to kill this notion of "taboo" when talking about LIFE with our children. As a child, there was no way in hell my "Old School" parents were going to talk to any of us about anything. However, all of my elementary school classmates were already full of gratuitous information about sex, and by middle school a few of them were having kids. That's right: babies having babies. It's really like that, and there's no going back.

Although parents have to face the music, we can feel free to rock it to our own beat. The truth is, every child doesn't need to know everything right away. There are age appropriate sex talks. Honestly, the talk should begin by telling children the names of their body parts, then progressing to conversations about not letting people touch them by age two or three. I know COUNTLESS tales of child molestation, even within my own family. You know if your immediate or external family is prone to scandalous behavior, and although we all try to keep our children away from such family members, sometimes their children have picked up their same carnal ways. Also, if a child has older siblings or cousins, you can be sure they'll hear all types of foolery at some point or another. Trust.

Now that we've passed the "hands off" conversation, questions of where babies come from will surely arise. While a five-year-old doesn't need to know mommy and daddy's dirty deets (details), explaining that babies are formed in a special place called a "womb" or "uterus" when two adults love each other, is a must. The whole stork thing is just going to shake the trust in the future parent-child relationship. By the age of eight, the child should know exactly what sex is, all about puberty, condoms and other forms of birth control. This is not a game. Where I'm from, kids are having babies at 11 years old. Newsflash, I'm not from the inner city. Don't let stereotypes of what only happens to students in urban environments, make you a grandparent before your thirties. No child should be buying diapers before a cap and gown. PERIOD!

After the gradual talks leading up to the real deal, the teen years will hit HARD! Since I had a job at 14-years-old (just before starting high school), sex was laid out for me by fellow employees on a silver platter. Although I refused to eat off of that plate, it wasn't without heavy temptation and constant confusion. I said, "No," because I knew I wasn't ready. This was not the case across the board in my household. Since my parents hadn't talked to me, I only knew what I'd heard. In middle school, there were talks of friends "leaving each other satisfied," and in high school, students were straight up sneaking multiple partners into their parents' homes on a daily (or nightly) basis. Every other girl I passed in the hallway was pregnant, and prom night was the ultimate get loose celebration for students who had yet to let it all hang out. Seniors (male and female) were taking freshmen to the prom and turning them out early. It was no secret who was getting down, because it was acceptable to talk about it. Kids were singing adult love songs like they'd written them, and lived them time and time again.

Temptation is real; if I'd given in, surely I would've been a teen parent. Peer pressure is real; students and people in general are a reflection of their immediate friends and surroundings. Get in your child's life. Make it a priority to know what's going on and leave the door to communication open. Although you shouldn't be your child's best friend, you should be his/her best parent. Don't let some creeper teach your daughter about sex in a shady apartment down the street. Don't give Ms. Cool Mom the opportunity to let your son fill in for her husband after a game. Sex, date-rape, molestation, and the like are all gender-neutral--- don't treat it with a double-standard. I know of parents who will let their sons get down and dirty right under their roof, but would kill their daughter for the same behavior. Not in my house; we all know what sex is, the rules of my kingdom, and that our bodies are not STD playgrounds.

My child's job from birth to graduation is to be a great person and student while maturing into adulthood. After that, living as an adult outside of my house, I don't really give a damn. All I can do is guide my children, the rest is on them. When they're young they sit on your lap, but when they're grown, they sit on your heart--- that's what a wise person told me.

So when do you start talking about the birds, the bees and birth control?
Now.